Monday, January 11, 2010

Day three.

i woke up at 5 this morning,
soar and in pain...
nothing new.
I had school,
so i went..
it was horrible ...again.
classes sucked.
teachers sucked.
classmates sucked.
lunch sucked.

the only part i like is the bus ride home.
i sit with my friend brad.
i think he likes me,
and i think i like him too...
im not to sure why..
love is pointless.
it always ends up with me in my bathtub crying and bleeding...
i don't know why i even try.
most likely it wont work...
thats enough for today i guess.
till tomorrow...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Day two.

went to bed around 3 am woke up around 10 am this morning.
i woke up and my head was killing me, like usual.
my arms and legs hurt to move.
but i knew i had to get up,
today is my 'housework day'
i get 30 $ from my mom to do some work around the house,
and i need the money.
ciggerets are not cheap.
so i didn't really have a choice.
i'm finished with the work now.
everything hurts.
everything is seeming pointless to me now.
hanging with friends, singing, writing, painting, watching television, internet.
everything i use to find enjoyable,
music and cutting and sleeping are all i do anymore.
i barely recognize myself in the mirror.
less and less color and emotions on my face is visible each day.
this depression is really going to kill me.
at this point, it dosnt matter anyway.
i have nothing to live for.
the only reason i am going to post on here everyday is because i made a promise to myself.
even typing this is making my fingers hurt.
so i'm going to end this post now.
i need to sleep...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Day one.

i didn't do anything today, but sit and wallow in my unending depression.
it never seems to stop these days.
a few days ago i was diagnosed with chronic depression,
every day i feel a little worse...
I wake up in pain,
my arms and legs and head are killing me.
it hurts to walk and to think,
even laying there makes my body soar.
nothing interests me anymore.
everything and everyone i loved,
is slowly meaning less and less to me.
this depression is killing me.
every day i feel closer and closer to death.
nothing is the same.
its been months since I've gone a day without being depressed.
my body is slowly breaking down on me it seems.
i'm always tired and always moody.
at school i shut down and i never feel like hanging with my friends.
cutting and smoking is the only thing i can do that Dosnt totally wipe me out.
it feels like i'm all alone.
i don't think this is normal.
but whatever,
nothing is anymore.

well, thats all for now.
till tomorrow..