went to bed around 3 am woke up around 10 am this morning.
i woke up and my head was killing me, like usual.
my arms and legs hurt to move.
but i knew i had to get up,
today is my 'housework day'
i get 30 $ from my mom to do some work around the house,
and i need the money.
ciggerets are not cheap.
so i didn't really have a choice.
i'm finished with the work now.
everything is seeming pointless to me now.
hanging with friends, singing, writing, painting, watching television, internet.
everything i use to find enjoyable,
music and cutting and sleeping are all i do anymore.
i barely recognize myself in the mirror.
less and less color and emotions on my face is visible each day.
this depression is really going to kill me.
at this point, it dosnt matter anyway.
i have nothing to live for.
the only reason i am going to post on here everyday is because i made a promise to myself.
even typing this is making my fingers hurt.
so i'm going to end this post now.
i need to sleep...